In these “times of uncertainty,” it’s more critical than ever to embrace the AND. That’s something I know I for sure struggle with at times. The truth is most of us do. As a society, we are rigid in our thought process and we tend to be very extreme in our thinking. We often see things as all or none. All good or all bad. All on our side or all on the other side. All right or all wrong. Very seldom are things all or none, falling only on one side of the spectrum. Even absolute truths. The reality is that there is power in the middle and in the gray.
Even with the very polarizing events that are happening in the world around us right now, the tension of the opposites exists. The dialectic is the ability to see more than one thing as true even if they feel opposing. It is inclusive of the full experience of being human rather than exclusive. The dialectic is not devoid of strong feelings and does not make us less effective if we don’t fall on one side or the other. We can be wildly passionate about something while still allowing the room for the and. In fact, holding the space for the whole experience makes us more effective and capable of leading with our values intact.
Here are some examples using the current backdrop. It can be an absolute truth that what happened to George Floyd is apprehensible murder. AND, it can also be true that not all cops are apprehensible murderers. You can support Black Lives Matter AND support officers that are doing their jobs with honor. I can have white fragility and privilege AND still deeply care about educating myself to help alleviate systemic racism. It can be true that you want to be a mask-wearing member of society who has concern over the pandemic. AND, you also care about the economy. You can feel deep fear, grief, sadness and despair with the state of the world AND have hope, while working towards change. Your experience can be valid AND someone else’s experience can be valid. It doesn’t have to be just one of these. All of these truths can exist together. As humans, we have the emotional bandwidth to be able to expand our perceptions while opening up our blinders to include things that our all or none thinking rejects.
We can’t embrace the dialectic when the parts within us get polarized. These parts then get projected onto the world. Usually, this is coming from some deep seeded fear and historical wounding. These parts of ours that take on extreme roles and extreme thinking as a means of protecting our internal system, often keep us stuck in old patterns, blurring our vision. This causes us to react from emotional mind rather than responding from wise mind.
We need to learn the gift of embracing the and while living dialectically. Sadly though, when damaged self is driving the bus, which is the majority of the time, we aren’t in the position to create the change we so desperately desire and need. That’s when the divide gets wider and the chasm more polarized. We have to find balance, walking the middle path where Self energy is leading. The magic of the and allows the space for change and emotional freedom. It helps us individually and culturally lead from a place of compassion, clarity, calm, connectedness, creativity, courage and curiosity. Collectively, if we take steps forward by having the courage to take our blinders off to see the whole picture, especially the images we don’t like and innately want to reject, while holding the discomfort of all truths, then we can come up with solutions.
I challenge you to begin exploring your blind spots, seeing where embracing the dialectic could offer some space for your polarized parts and some rich solutions. See what happens and what areas begin to soften as you stumble into the and.You never know, you may find the middle path less exhausting, more freeing and the gray full of rich vivid color.